Day 16
I realize that I haven’t exactly defined what this new mindset is. Well… here it is in a nutshell…
- I have determined to praise myself instead of running myself down. For example, if I see someone else who has a figure that I envy, instead of telling myself that I need to lose weight, I tell myself that I have a good figure too.
- I have also determined that trying to be in control of everything is simply ridiculous. Whatever the future brings is as yet indeterminate and it is ridiculous to try to plan now to cover every single eventuality. Not only is it ridiculous, it is also impossible. I have determined that I can only make the best decision that I can for now and I will deal with whatever comes when it comes.
I have already elaborated why the first mindset is difficult for me, though I keep working at it. The second mindset though is difficult to have and to maintain because that is not the way I was trained to think.
Elsewhere, I have stated that I worked for many many years in the finance industry. In particular, I worked in Insurance and Investing. I was trained to think of covering risk through buying insurance and to provide for one’s family not just immediately, but for generations to come. Let me state for the record here that I am not opposed to saving for retirement nor am I against sound financial planning. In fact, I strongly advocate doing both; however, I do think that becoming too obsessed with it ruins one’s life. I also advocate putting one’s trust in a higher power and not trying to “cover all the bases” by oneself.
Just the other day, I had a conversation with my sister and she encouraged me to go out and find a job, instead of staying home with the kids. She cited an example of a couple of friends who had made the choice for the mother to stay home with the kids while the father worked, only for the father to meet with a car accident. And then she also raised the point of being out of the workforce and if something happens to your husband, you probably won’t be able to command the same salary as he does when you go back to work. Also, if you do choose to drop out of the workforce and then after the kids are grown and you go back in, you’re older and what kind of salary can you command. Blah blah blah…
In keeping with my new mindset, I responded to her by saying, “Don’t think that I haven’t already considered all of these things myself. But this is what I believe that God wants me to do right now, so I’m entrusting my career and my family’s well being to Him.”
I realized that my sister still had the old mindset. Well, the one that I have had for so many years. As confident as my new mindset response sounded, I have to admit, in private, I agonized over my choice and more than anything else second guessed my choices. I wanted to sit down at the computer immediately and send of 10 resumes applying for jobs. I wanted to dump my children in daycare and to ensure that I kept working to keep up the salary to hedge against some unknown unfortunate incident.
Once I calmed myself down and sat in a simple cross-legged position, practicing the body and breath awareness exercise, I realized that my sister’s circumstances are different from mine and she’s making the best choices that she knows how for herself. I have a different situation and I am making the choices that are best for me and for my family. In the heat of the moment, it is very rarely clear that choices are made based on one’s circumstances and those choices should not be the same for everyone.
