amandat
Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 15
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| #1 |
Day 8
Destressing is not the easiest thing, in fact, determining not to let things get to you requires completely changing one's mindset.
This week, I am visiting my mother. For a whole month before I came for the visit, I was preparing myself for the usual criticism -- Amanda, you've put on weight... you need to do more situps and improve your waistline! Amanda, you're overeating... Amanda, you need to go on a diet... -- on and on it goes. I was bracing myself. This of couse, led to stress.
As I sat quietly in the simple cross-legged position, just being with my body, I decided to be a friend to myself. I determined that no matter what was said to me, I would stick up for myself, even if I didn't say it out loud to my mother, I would stick up for myself in my heart and mind. I would tell myself that I look good, that the effort that I've made so far is valid and that losing another 16lbs isn't going to happen overnight. I would validate myself!
Even though I have lost 24lbs since I gave birth to my second baby and am well on my way to fitting back into my size 4 jeans, I felt nervous and anxious. Lo and behold, when I got to my mother's house with my two boys, I found that I am currently the thinnest of my sisters. I am normally in the middle. My eldest sister being the thinnest, my second sister being the fattest and I am in between the two of them, but by no means ideal.
Not only that, but when the moment finally arrived for my mother's usual critical inspection, she said, "You've slimmed down a lot since I last saw you!"
"I've lost 24lbs."
"Well, just try to find some balance -- it's not good to be too thin either -- then you get all kinds of health problems!"
I was floored by my mother's comment! Well, things certainly have changed! It used to be that you could never be thin enough!
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| | amandat
Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 15
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| #2 |
Day 9
I've realized since coming back to my hometown how important diet is on destressing the body. After having been on a diet high in fresh fruit and vegetables, lean protein and low in refined carbs I find myself having a hard time coping with the diet here.
While I don't want to be one of those people who is unable to cope in a different environment and is so inflexile that others would rather point me to the door than deal with my idiosyncracies, I find myself craving a green salad and fresh fruit.
I never realized what an enormous impact on the body refined carbs had until I seriously removed them from my diet and then went back to having them again.
I have been reading the book - The Cellulite Solution, by Dr Howard Murad. I admit, I skipped over the chapter on the reasons why we get cellulite and went straight to the solution. Again, the emphasis on lots of fruit and vegetables as being key to curing the cellulite problem. Also adding some supplements from the health store like glucosamine and soy lecithin.
Having had a huge cellulite problem all my life, this seemed like a promising solution. I have to admit, after 1 week on the Murad diet, I did notice an enormous improvement to the skin on my face and hands. By week 2, adding in the massage with the recommended anti-cellulite creams, the cellulite on my thighs has visibly lessened. I have to admit that I am truly impressed!
I am also realizing that I feel considerably less stressed -- I physically feel better.
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| | amandat
Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 15
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| #3 |
Day 10
You don't realize that you're stressed until you're not! You don't realize that you're mean to yourself until you stop! Have you ever had that feeling? You don't realize that you've been treating yourself badly until you stop and change.
I never thought of my diet as being particularly unhealthy or bad, but by the same token, it was that great either!
I sat quietly again today in the simple cross-legged position, doing my body and breath awareness exercise. I told myself - today, I will find the strength to stick up for myself.
My 2 1/2-year old son is having a grand time with his 2-year old cousin. Both little boys have become great friends. My little boy is so sweet and the sweetness comes out in the most unexpected ways. For example, male bonding requires some fighting, or so it seems. My son and nephew fight over the DVD player or over toys, and when my nephew starts to lose the fight, he resorts to biting.
This morning, my mother smacked my nephew for rudely pushing away the bowl of cereal and milk that she was trying to feed him. My nephew burst into tears, upon which my little son ran up to his grandmother and shouted at her, "You're bad! You made John ow-wie! Say sorry! Give big hug!"
We adults were hard pressed not to laugh at this earnest little boy, sticking up for his friend.
Sitting quietly today, I reflected on the incident and it seemed to me that I'm not a very good friend to myself. In fact, I am often overly critical and down right mean. Today, I resolved that I will endeavour to be a better friend to myself and to stick up for myself better. Be a little more like my son sticking up for his friend/cousin.
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| | amandat
Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 15
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| #4 |
Day 11
As I sat today practicing my body and breath awareness exercise and exploring how I felt about my body, I stopped to think about how I came to develop all these negative emotions towards my thighs and towards my body in general.
Being here in my hometown has really enabled me to see how I have come to fixate on one body part and channel all my hatred and dislike into it.
Since passing the acid test of my mother's approval... I realize just how powerful parental approval is to a child. Getting that criticism or that approval dictated whether or not I was happy with myself and at peace or if I would then go straight on a starvation diet combined with extreme exercising in order to shed those pounds to gain approval.
Having been away for years and established a life of my own away from this place and then coming back again to a place whose attitudes have hardly changed in the 12 years that I've been away has really brought to light all the hangups I have. In this town, people are blunt to the point of being rude and insensitive and yet, they do this with absolutely no ill intent. For them, it is simply making an observation.
My cousin is also in town visiting her parents. She came back for the wedding of a really good friend of hers. She was asked to be a bridesmaid and her daughter was the flower girl in her friend's wedding. My cousin has a very athletic, with the broad shoulders and narrow hips of a distance swimmer. She also has a very well developed bosom, of which she is quite proud. My cousin related the story of being measured and fitted for the hideous teal coloured bridesmaid's dress, stating that at first, she was really quite proud to have an ample bosom, but as the tailor measured her and started making comments like, "Nobody can be that big!" and "You are shaped oddly, I'm going to have to let out the waist by an inch in order for this dress to fit you!" and "I think you're too big for this dress!"
My cousin related her emotional reaction to the whole event laughing all the time, because in hindsight, it was really funny. She said, "At first I was so proud to have a big top, but then after hearing all the comments the tailor kept making, I couldn't help but think...You're measuring me with the tape measure, how can you say that nobody can be that big! You're measuring me! She was a really lousy tailor! I had to be fitted 3 times for that stupid dress and then on the day of the wedding I had to have my husband help me zip it up and he said, 'This is ridiculously tight!' I had to press my chest flat and then quickly zip the dress up" Apparently, the tailor had a fixed perception of how people should be shaped and proportioned, and my cousin clearly did not fall into that category.
As we laughed about the incident, we talked more about growing up here and finding that neither of us ever measured up and how clothes never fit right and we were always considered the fat girls or the oddly shaped girls. We've both developed attitudes about our bodies that we have since carried with us our whole lives.
It has taken us years to finally come to the conclusion that there was nothing wrong with us, but that there was everything wrong with the clothes. Clothes need to be made to fit a person's body, not fitting the body to the clothes.
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| | amandat
Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 15
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| #5 |
Day 12
Today, my cousin and I went shopping. As we passed a jewelry store, we stopped to look at the display of diamond jewelry.
My cousin asked me if I had a diamond ring, and if I ever wore it. I told her that yes, I did have a solitaire ring and I chose not to wear it because it kept catching on everything and also because it seemed to me that people kept looking at it and that it created envy in those around me. So, I would much rather not do that, in accordance with my religious beliefs of not causing others to stumble.
My cousin laughed out loud and said, "Amanda, just think what a boring world this would be if nobody ever envied another person! Don't you ever see clothes on someone else that you'd like to have or envy them that they have it?"
"I don't ever envy clothes... I envy the figure of another woman, because clothes are clothes, they're neither good nor bad... it's the person wearing them that makes the clothes good or bad."
Today as I sat doing my yoga meditation, I stopped to reflect upon envying someone else's figure, and in keeping with the rules of this 30-day challenge and being a better, more encouraging friend to myself, I decided that I would use positive self talk instead of the usual path I always take i.e. deciding that I needed to lose 10lbs. I thought to myself, that woman/girl has a really great figure -- well, so do you Amanda. You're a beautiful woman too!"
Changing one's mindset is not that easy, especially when you are conditioned from a very young age to consider that being encouraging to yourself is being egotistical and something to be frowned upon and ashamed of. Well, I have come to realize that being overly critical of oneself is just as damaging and when one has gone to one extreme, it is perfectly fine to start counteracting it to bring about some equilibrium. I found that after telling myself that I looked good too, instead of telling myself to lose more weight, I could smile at myself and I felt happier. Feeling happier... this makes me think...Isn't what all this craziness is about -- finding things that will make us happy!? My whole life, I've been telling myself - if I can fit into this size jeans, then I'll be happy or if I could just get this, then I'll be happy! It occurs to me today that happiness is as much allowing yourself to get into that state as it is getting something or attaining some goal that will make you happy.
I wasn't happy when I was stick thin and starving. I like food a lot! So in all honesty, not eating in order to be thin wasn't making me happy...it was killing me.
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| | amandat
Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 15
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| #6 |
Day 13
Changing one's mindset is not an easy thing. I'm starting to realize that my attitude toward my body, in particular, my thighs really stems from my desire to be in control of something. I grew up in a home and a school that taught me to disregard the appearance and to focus instead on cultivating the person inside. However, everything and everyone around me would then pick on my appearance. Little comments like, "Don't wear those shorts, your thighs are too fat!" to "Wow, she's really huge for a 12-year old!" have stayed with me my entire life, lurking in the depths of my subconscious.
It seems to me that it's not enough to excel at your job or even to excel at being the best housewife and mother, one has to be perfect -- good at job and career plus be drop dead gorgeous.
It seems to be so ridiculous and at first glance I am led to think, "How many people are that way? Why should I push myself to be all those things? Why is this necessary for my happiness?"
I am not a teenager any longer and I have decided not to allow the hangups of my teen years to shape my life now. Life is what it is and jobs come and go as the economy changes, people gain and lose weight depending on the circumstances of their lives. The best thing that I can do for myself is to find a blessed equilibrium. A place where I can feel comfortable being myself, where I am no longer buffetted by outside influences.
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| | amandat
Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 15
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| #7 |
Day 14
I have decided to work on changing my mindset. Instead of telling myself constantly that I need to lose 10lbs, 15lbs or 20lbs, I will tell myself that I look good now, and what I really need to do is to find clothes that fit and flatter my body and not to try to change my body to fit the clothes.
I know that I do much better when I am encouraged by someone else, when I was in the corporate world, I worked better and tried harder when my boss praised my work and showed appreciation for what I did. By nature, I try my very best at everything, however, the moment I get maligned or unfairly criticised, then I cease to try as hard. I have decided that in order to change my mindset, I need to work on praising myself instead of constantly criticising myself. My self-talk has to change.
I don't care if this is arrogant or not. This is not about someone else judging me, it's about me doing something for myself that I believe will result in making me happy.
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