So I am cleaning out my closet today... holding up all of my smaller clothes and throwing them away. In the process of that I unearthed a bunch of my old diaries. The diaries that I had when I was the kind of girl who needed to starve herself... the girl who hated herself. I am having a hard day today, throwing away the skinny clothes and the diaries. I want it all gone. I don't ever want to be that girl again, yet I am a whirlwind of emotions. It is not easy to accept that I am heavier. I cannot look in the mirror today- I feel like I did when I first stopped starving myself and I had to avoid all mirrors like the plague because every time I look(ed) at myself I sart feeling panicky and like I am huge and disgusting, unworthy, unlovable.... It is hard to breathe today. I am trying to celebrate myself. Trying to celebrate my new body and my new outlook on life, the freedom from hating myself and punishing myself by starving myself. I am healthy. I am happy. I am kind. I am loving. I enjoy life. I. CAN. DO. THIS.