nicolesophia
Registered: 05/02/10
Posts: 5
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| | 02/28/11 at 02:41 PM | | #1 |
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I am back again after a wonderful yoga session (anyone here ever do any of Sean Corne's yoga??) I am writing today because I had a real struggle yesterday with my weight. It is funny how some days can be so hard- like your past just has to jump back out at you and bite you in the ass. That's how I felt yesterday anyway. I ws having a rough day because I was wearing my new jeans that were a size bigger than the ones I used to wear. I remember when I used to use my jeans to control my weight. The size jeans I was wearing were tight- tight to the point where if I gained a pound I would definitely be very very uncomfortable in my clothes until I got that pount to go away again. I recently decided that I was tired of being uncomfortable in my clothes. Maybe it's because I'm not weak and dizzy anymore so my brain can function a little better, but I decided that I should be comfortable in my clothes. And my old "wannabe skinny girl" jeans did not fit me right.... okay, so I split two pairs. I split two pairs of my tightest jeans, and my other ones that used to fit me slightly less tightly were now the tight ones. So I went up a jean size. My new jean size fits me perfectly.... No tightness, just pure comfort. It's amazing. I can sit, I can bend over, I can sit cross legged. Infact I am sitting cross legged right now, and the circulation in my legs is not cut off. I feel great!
But yesterday was different. Yesterday was hard. I felt scared and lonely and panicked yesterday. Very very unsure of myself and my body. I was looking in the mirror alot. I almost dug my scale out of its hiding place. (funny how I still have the damned thing... like I just can't throw it away... just can't make it permanent.... a new goal for me- THROW THE DAMN THING AWAY). Yeah, yesterday was rough. I kept thinking about this forum, thinking about my past unhappiness, my struggle with my weight, and wondering how many other women are out there who know what I am going through? How many women are tired of it? I wish that more people would post on here, but anyway I see that my posts are being read so that makes me feel better. I hope that somewhere out there someone can relate to what I have been saying here and that my struggles and new found knowledge can help someone who is at the point that I was- hating myself, starving myself, slowly killing my body and spirit.
Although the struggle has been hard and long, it has been a wonderful experience, and I am so much healthier and happier today.... I could go on and on about the things that have changed for me. Since I have stopped hating myself so much it has given me the ability to be more kind and patient and understanding to others. My relationship with my daughter is much much better. I am kinder and more patient and gentler with her. I have seen that make a difference in her, ofcourse, in the way she in turn treats others and how she responds to me. I am thinking about having another baby. I can handle swelling up like a balloon again. This time I will not starve myself and my baby. I will be healthier in body and mind. Despite a hard day every great once in a while I am loving my new attitude and the new life that I am creating for me, my husband, my daughter, and who know, maybe another child to come.
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